dependence
Next weekend, I'll have been in Korea for 3 months.
When you move here, everyone tells you that there are certain cycles, and how the three and six month marks are usually really difficult.
I'm not unhappy being in Korea. I'm actually considering a second year here already (though I probably try to move to Suncheon, Yeosu, or Mokpo. Heck, even Jungma - the "city" nearby - would be okay). But the past couple of days have sort of thrown me for a loop. At one point this afternoon, I was laying on the floor of my living room sobbing. And it really is situations, not general unhappiness. The jerk at the gym really was not reasonable, and losing my wallet like that? I don't even know how I did it - seriously. I wasn't able to climb. Then I tried to take money out using my passbook and couldn't, and when I got to the bank in Jungma, it was closed. I was sitting in the bus station wearing my sunglasses so people couldn't see how close to the edge of tears I was, and ended up crying in the bathroom of the terminal. twice. A friend gave me a loan in order to get home this afternoon, and told me I'd be dumb to not take another to go to the race tomorrow, that I'd be able to pay him back on Monday so it's not a big deal. He'll be stopping by this evening, and I'll leave for Suncheon late, but I'm going. I hate being dependent, but so grateful for the help right now.
Okay, a couple of things that are good:
* I drove my bike to the ATM that is on the other end of town and was the most proficient I have been yet
* I have a friend nearby that I can call when I need help
* If bad things come in threes, I'm done for this round - 1) the jerk 2) the wallet 3)the bank.
I should note, I'm not writing this for pity or anything like that. When I started with this, I wanted to make sure that I was sharing the actual experience. There are times when being here is hard and ugly. Then there are little girls who want you to dance with them, bus drivers who make sure you are on the right bus, the excitement of trying new things, and middle school students who catch a dragonfly to keep it from bashing into the windows. What I mean is, this isn't always sunshine and lollypops, but it isn't horrible, either.
also,
Dear Self,
When sitting in the middle of the living room sobbing, a good question to ask oneself might be, "have you had anything other than a protein bar and junk food to eat today?" If the answer is no, you should eat. Duh.
You are sometimes teh dumb,
Me
1 comment:
Jess,
All over the world, young servicemen are having the same problems you are having. There is never enough of a support system out there to keep the "Blues" from coming to visit now and then. You wallet probably was taken not walked away. That way you are a victim not a dolt that loses important things. There were times when I just ahd to put a pillow over my face and laugh to keep from crying. Put yourself "in" charge and change that dependence to independence. I always feel a little better after I write in my blog. I hope it makes you feel connected to the real world when someone writes a comment. This is also a good lesson about money. I would have a small stash at home for emergencies just like the one you are having. I would try to build up a three or four day stash at home. At least a weeks worth in the Bank (Checking or passbook) a months worth in savings. The month's worth should not include the frills but the bare bones amount you have to have. Helpless for a short period is not hopeless. Thankgod for friends. Remember this when one of your's has problems. It is a good feeling to give as well as receive. Dennis, (Mean Uncle Denny)
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