Fat

A friend linked this You Tube video:



This is awesome. It's called A Fat Rant, and talks about numbers.

I don't agree with everything she says, but there is a lot of good. The idea of using fat as an excuse (I didn't get the job, he didn't ask me out...) and the power of numbers.

There is so much drama attached to numbers!

And reading a blog from a brave friend who is making a powerful change made me want to put this out there, too.

As of this morning, I weigh 184 lbs. I'm about 5'9" and so by every height/weight chart, I'm moderately overweight. As measured by and handheld bodyfat measurement thing, I'm about 25% fat. I wear around an 8-10/Medium US in most clothing, which comes to a 32 in Korean women's pants, and a 100 Korean woman's top/95 Korean men's. I can bench press over 120lbs, can squat about 180lbs, and can consistently run a 5k on a treadmill in about 31 minutes. My fastest race 5K was under 29 minutes. I would like to lose between 20-25 lbs, which would still put me in the higher end of normal for my height. Because of the amount of muscle I have, I'm aiming for about 20% bodyfat.

To put this in perspective, when I started to lose weight, I hadn't been on a scale in years. I had already lost about a pants size (and in the big girl sizes, there are a lot of lbs between them!!) by the time I got the courage to step on a scale. I was over 280. Which means I was pushing - if not over - 300lbs when I started. Dress pants size 22 were a little snug, and sometimes a 2xl men's t-shirt was tight.

This isn't to say "look at how great I am." Go up a paragraph - when you were thinking, "wow, 184? Isn't that high?"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that numbers only have the power we give them. I'm tired of feeling bad about mine. The first step was paying attention to them myself. Now I'm not afraid to say them out loud.

Birthday

One of the things about have a birthday the day after St. Patrick's Day is that most people are too dragged out from the night before to be much fun. So for a while now, I've been celebrating my birthday with friends on the 17th, basically co-opting whatever St. Patrick's Day party that is going on. I mean, really. mememe, all about me.

This weekend was no different - at one of the bars in Suncheon there was a wedding reception, St. Patrick's Day party, and my birthday. The band played Happy Birthday at midnight and everyone sang for me (the fact that I didn't know most of the people in the bar, nor they me, is inconsequential, I think. Anyway.) but it was nice that friends made it happen.

The next day was low-key dinner and cake with friends, and yesterday a package of goodness arrived from the States. I am trying not to dive head-first into the cereal (more of a challenge than you might imagine) and the box was filled other things that make life here a little easier. I'm so grateful to have such amazing family and friends.

_______________________________________________

Today was one of the days where i just feel connected to being here. After playing volleyball with the team at my school, I walked around my neighborhood. I bought strawberries from the fruit stand, beef from the butcher, and a plant from the plant shop across the street from my apartment.

Also, proof that Korea loves me:


This is a yarn store. That just opened in a storefront right across the street from my apartment. Sometimes Korea gives awesome birthday presents.

Homesickness/thing I miss.

Still surfing the wave of homesickness. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it is cloudy and gray and I'm wanting it to be Spring already!!

So, a list of stuff I miss. (disclaimer: This is totally stream of consciousness, and doesn't mean that I hate Korea or anything like that. There is a list of stuff I love about Korea and I might do another list just about that stuff again soon. But this is stuff I miss from the US. Also, most of the food one are things I wouldn't eat or even really think about if they were available in this area. Being available in Seoul or only at costco doesn't really count right now. Wow, long disclaimer. Anyway.)

* Family/friends. I miss you. A lot
* Being able to drive. I haven't been behind the wheel of a car for 6 months now.
* the independence that comes from being fluent in the dominant language.
* cupcakes
* soft cookies (sugar, sinckerdoodle, toll house)
* Green chile dip. (think french onion, but with green chiles.) On Mike Sells Ruffeled potato chips would be perfect. (I cannot even get sour cream here easily. or plain yogurt that isn't sweet)
* Non-sweet yogurt, half and half, sour cream, cottage cheese... Basically, most dairy. Forget even low-cal/low-fat. Just ANY right now.
* Biscuits and gravy.
* Enchiladas/enchilada sauce. Green.
* CC's New Orleans Blend Coffee.
* Things being easy to figure out.
* Being able to really talk to most of the people around me.
* Running outside
* Mother's Peanut Butter Bumpers cereal. The expensive, organic, slightly tastier version of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. (an aside: I have actually ranked peanut butter flavored children's cereals. Is that strange? Wait, don't answer that...)
* Being able to browse in a bookstore.

okay, this list can go on and on, but it is just starting to get sad. I think it comes down to missing people, independence, and things. Especially food, which may be a post all on its own at some point. (not just me whining about food, but how food is such an integral part of home/comfort)

gender/booze/work

Yesterday at school, one of the teachers sitting next to me smelled so much like booze I thought me might actually be flammable. And while I wouldn't put it past a teacher to be drinking at work, I'm not sure if this was from current consumption or from the night before.

In Korea, it is VERY common for whole companies to go out together several times a week. The Boss determines how much everyone drinks and in order to move up in the country, people do what the Boss says. I should correct that - all the MEN go out together several times a week, and once in a while the women come along for part it.

If in order to be promoted you have to hang out and drink with the boss, but women aren't supposed to do that...

Yeah.

At my regular school, there are no women in leadership positions - not one department head or head teacher.

The country school is different, and both this year and last the Head Teacher (for the whole school) is a woman, but that is VERY rare.

I know this isn't a whole lot different from deals being made on the golf course, or people getting a job by "who you know" in the US, but it just seems so blatant and unfair. Women do all the setting up and cleaning up and cooking (or ordering of food) for all the school events. Men stand around and drink/make each other drink. In groups of women the older women telling the younger what to do, but often it doesn't have a direct effect (or a significant effect) on job success (except for the appearance of getting along with others and being part of the group, which really is pretty important, now that I think about it...)

I don't know where I am going with this, but after talking about International Women's Day with my adult workshop last week and a huge increase in the number of men in the teacher's room I am in, I've been paying a lot more attention to the ways people are promoted and the implication of gender in that process. (Also, an aside, I'm pretty good a guessing what is going on based on context and catching a few words here and there, so i'm getting better at figuring out what is going on. Anyway.)

Sometimes I am reminded that only about 60-70 years ago South Korea was granted independence and the speed of societal change has been astounding in that time. But it is frustrating to talk to Korean women and hear them say that they don't want to get married until they have done "x" so that their husbands won't tell them they cannot do it. And I'm not exaggerating.

When I grow up...

When I grow up, I want to be like THIS little old lady!!

Or like some of the women linked in this article here.


(I know I link to Stumptuous all the time. The author is a Woman's Studies professor from Canada who really knows what she is talking about when it comes to fitness, particularly from the perspective of women who lift weights. Plus I think she is cool. I mean, I don't know her or anything, but she seems like one of the kinds of women who would be fun to hang out with. /fangirly-ness)

A few things

1. I own a pair of Korean jeans!
My favorite pair of jeans is starting to wear through at the back pocket, and while I would like to try to get them fixed, I decided that knowledge is power and I finally got up the courage to try on jeans in Korea, fully expecting to need a pair of one of the larger men's sizes. I actually fit into the women's! And, strangely, they were long enough. Granted, they sit kind of low on my waist to BE long enough, but still!! They CAN sit low enough on my waist!

I'm sure these are the largest size they make in women's pants, but they fit well - as in, are not tight - and if I can get down about one Korean size, a whole world of clothing options opens up for me here. Now if only I could lose a shoe size or two...

2. It was SNOWING today. Snow. Falling from the sky. In mid-March.
Teachers at my school have said, "Winter is jealous of Spring." I would like to kindly request that Winter just get over it already, as I am not too happy with Winter right now and would prefer not walking to work in below freezing temperatures.

3. I'm having a little wave of homesickness right now. Not big, crashing Tsunami-type of wave, but a wave nonetheless. An unusually high tidal surge, if you will. I know it is normal, but I really would like to visit home for a while. I don't want to leave here, but I don't really want to BE here, if that makes sense.

4. My new co-teacher rocks - I am getting supplies for my classroom, she is getting people to fix the monitor in the English lab, and I will be getting a few new things for my apartment. Her English is great, she is trying to find a place for me to get a skirt I love but ruined copied, and is super helpful.

When the box arrived, it was full of great stuff. But instead of the markers or colored pencils I had requested, there were colored ink pens. And instead of the 80 dry erase board markers, there were 80 dry erase board erasers. The pens are fine - they will be able to make signs and posters with them, and if they want something different to use, they can bring it, and they returned and re-requested the dry erase stuff. But those little things are just a snapshot of how every interaction is sometimes a little misunderstood.

5. Also, (and I'm saying this just because it annoyed me), JUST AFTER buying the Korean jeans that fit(!!) a friend and I were walking past one of the little boutique-like shops in Home Plus (basically, from what I can tell they rent out spaces to these little shops or something. I don't really get it. Anyway.) and were looking at some of the clothing in the sale bin. The woman came up to us and basically just said, "No size!" as if by looking at her clothing we would stretch it so far out of shape that it would never fit anyone else ever again. Hate. Her.

New Knitty

99.9% of you can just move along, as this won't interest you at all.

Knitty is a free on-line knitting pattern site that publishes 4 time a year (like most knitting magazines) and they usually have a few patterns that are really cool and interesting. I've knit a few things from them, am currently working on a project, and have a couple of things I'd like to make.

But that being said, every issue, while usually having one or two things I could see making, usually has some of the silliest, most pointless, and/or ugliest things you could imagine. When this issue came out, I decided to write my opinion of the patterns so that I have something to refer back to (and did I mention that last week I didn't have even a single class? Right then.)

So, my take on the latest Knitty:
bmp - I would never make them, but fun to look at.
Carolyn - Not a bad cardi, IF it was done in a solid. The stripes? Eep.
Tahoe - Boring (though I do like the wrists of the sleeves) and not flattering. Better fitting would have helped.
Ribena - I don't like the arm-warmer thing, but I like the fitting through the torso with the ribs.
Torque - Not flattering. If you are going to do one big asymmetric detail like that, you also emphasize the negative space. Maybe if the rest of the garment was fitted I would like it more. Like, an even more dramatic cable with a defined waist? not sure. But this isn't doing it for me.
Isabella - Would it have killed them to post a picture of the whole garment? Also, is that by lengthening the line from shoulder to bust with both the v and the lace, it seems to make the bustline look weird. As in oddly elongated. Basically, I think it would make my boobs look like they are sagging. More. And I don't think the pattern in the body improves the design - it just makes it confusing.
Ester - Interesting from a construction standpoint, from first glance. I don't know how wearable it is, but it is interesting.
More stripes - Maybe if it were fitted. And wasn't horizontally striped. Okay, that would then make it a totally different garment, but I like the deep v-neck, but I don't think it is flattering.
Monica - I have no idea why i like this. Maybe because it is a tank for a little girl that isn't trying to be "sexy" in any way. (I REALLY hate little girls who are dressed like they are getting ready to go clubbing)
Briar Rose - I could see this done in one color and it would be cute. Not earth-shatteringly cute, but cute.
Hey Mickey - I cannot think of a situation where this would be a good use of time or knitting effort.
Vestee - Cute. Functional. Looks like it would knit up fast. Hmmm...
Palette - Ehh. Not a very pretty or interesting-looking lace pattern
Dashing - Yes, because a pattern for ANOTHER pair of fingerless gloves is necessary. Because if you knit a large size of one of the eleventymillion patterns out there right now for a boy (including one of the ones Knitty JUST PRINTED), he would have a spontaneous sex change.
Paper Bag - Interesting from an intellectual standpoint("paper" bag, paper yarn...) but not all that attractive., nor does it look particularly useful.
Bauble - I like shiny, but while it has that it its favor if I'm going to combine beading and another needlework craft, it would be crochet. This looks messy (but it IS shiny!)
Queen of Cups - The lace pattern just looks confusing to me, and I don't find it attractive.
Quill Lace Socks - eh. I'm not a sock knitter, so I don't feel strongly either way. Not horrible.
Clessidra - Interesting, but I'm pretty sure would make my calves look like they are trying to take over the world. And I can't think of anyone who wouldn't look the same.

International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day.

I am lucky to come from a family of strong, smart, outspoken women, and see those same qualities mirrored in my friends now. Living in a culture that devalues all of those qualities has been incredibly challenging.

A few quotes I think span the range of definitions for feminism:

Feminism is an entire world view or gestalt, not just a laundry list of women's issues. - Charlotte Bunch

To be a feminist...is to be critical - to ask questions about how society functions, about how women live in society. Feminism is a process of questioning rather than a 'dogma' or a set of proscribed positions or answers. - Jackie Brown

I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. - Rebecca West

Feminism is hated because women are hated. Anti-feminism is a direct expression of misogyny; it is the political defense of women hating. - Andrea Dworkin

My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended: every woman has the right to become herself, and do whatever she needs to do.- Ani Difranco

It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union. - Susan B. Anthony

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist. - Rita Mae Brown

Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. ~Author unknown, quoted in The Torch, 14 September 1987

And an awesome blog: www.feministing.com.

climbing in Thailand

Sonia sent me some of the pictures that were on her camera from the day we climbed on Railay.

Things I learned from these climbs:
1. Use my legs more.
2. Take the fall and take the rest if you need to, as holding on without being able to move isn't going to help you get to the top, either.
3. Use my legs more.
4. Commit. I may have fallen on the second one, but I was more committed to the effort and did a lot better overall.
5. Don't try to use my arms so much.

I tend to forget that most of my strength needs to come from my legs. I need to try more to use my upper body for stability and push myself up with my legs, rather than try to claw my way to the top, because it just won't work.





I'm back at school again, though I won't have classes until Monday at the earliest. So that means a lot of sitting around doing nothing. I have a new co-teacher (the person who take care of my paperwork and all that stuff) and she is AWESOME and totally on the ball and great. Woo!

Monkeys!! (or the post that is mostly for my mother)

On Railay Beach, I saw these guys:







These little fellas were begging for food and water from the tourists, whereas the wild ones I saw on Tonsai were hanging out in tall trees and being a lot more cool and interesting. But still, monkeys!! I know this sounds incredibly silly, but I knew I was really pretty far away from everything I was used to when I realized I was in a place with wild monkeys.

Flower Festival

I'm still uploading pictures from Thailand. Here are a handful from the Chiang Mai Flower Festival.

The floats were like the Rose Parade - everything was made and/or covered with some vegetable material, from flowers to banana leaves to grain. There were also tons of food, flower, and plant vendors, and displays from local groups like the Bonsai club. It was really amazing, but hard to get a picture without someone posing in front of what you wanted to take a picture of or sticking their hands in the way...


Banana leaf dragons.


I like how this kind of mimics the elephants on some of the larger temples. Which I'm 99% sure was the point...


I am standing on the city's moat. The floats are still pretty far up the street from where I'm standing.



I just thought this was pretty.

More (and other random pictures from Chiang Mai) here

Lost

The past few days haven't been particularly interesting, but one little tidbit: I have been watching the second season of lost and just watched the flashback where Jin says he is from Namhae, which is really, really close to where I live.

Also, I'm starting to upload pictures from Thailand into my flickr album - here.



In Chiang Mai, there are tons of temples (called wats in Thailand). This wat is HUGE and in the process of being renovated, with several temples on the grounds (if you go to flickr, other pictures of this wat follow). We talked with one of the young monks for a little while (he made sure to stay pretty far away, since they cannot touch or take anything from the hands of a woman without some major purification ritual) and at sunset when the bell was rung, there were TONS of stray (but tame) dogs who started howling. The monks from this wat take up collections to buy food and provide a home for these strays. There were even dogs that would go up and try to snuggle with some of the younger monks while they were in the temple for prayer. Seeing these young boys trying to focus while puppies nipped at the hems of their robes or try to shove their heads into their hands was really kind of cute. I think maybe i'm wrong for thinking that, but whatever.

I also think I still have that "post-vacation blah" feeling. Just kind of let down and not that interested/interesting. Nothing major, just not that excited about much. It is really impressive - I get so much less done when I have all the time in the world. If I have time limitations, I'm far more efficient.

mostly pluses

+ two days in a row of being sent home early!
+ not having to go to work* at all tomorrow!
+ the person who (I think) will be my new co-teacher is awesome, an amazing teacher, and the principal likes her! Heck, the principal likes all three of the people it might be, and they are all good teachers.
+ in a stunning turn-about, my current co-teacher decided it would be easier if the whole of the next two weeks was listed as "workshop" so if I re-sign, I'll have a month of vacation time this summer!

- there was an issue with the co-teacher not processing paperwork I thought was already taken care of, which caused a near freak-out for everyone. And a near heart attack for me.

+ I think I may have ordered water to be delivered. We'll see it if arrives.

(* by "work" I mean sit at my desk and screw around on the computer because there is no point at all to me being there. At all. Now I can do the same, but at home in my pajamas. Oh, and I can watch the Gilmore Girls.)

Also, I want to know where restaurants here get their broccoli, because it looks and tastes a million times better than anything I've seen in the store.

School lunch

In the middle of this hugely long break from school there is one week of classes, mostly for kids to graduate to the next grade and/or next school, and for incoming students to take placement tests which will put them in rank from 1 to whatever and which will follow them for the course of next year. Not to put pressure on them or anything. But anyway, that means that today I was back at school for the one day of actual "teaching" (if by playing games and buying compliance with candy can count as teaching) and several days of sitting at the computer I have this week. (which is good, because it seems that my classroom is again unheated. Which isn't nice when one is just returning from a sun-filled vacation.)

After weeks of bitching about school lunch it finally dawned on me - I don't have to eat it. I mean, I was only taking the things I liked and was drawing even more attention to my picky eater-ness (which made people think I didn't like Korean food - not true), so it is probably just as well that I not even hit the cafeteria. I went to one of the nice teachers and played the fat/diet card (while now I would be normal-sized in the US, here I'm considered gigantic - though from what I see in the sauna, I'm not all that disproportionate) and so just like that, I'm out and will no longer have to pay for food that is often down right BAD. And the nice teacher said it was fine, and that no one would think badly about me for not going to the cafeteria or bringing my lunch, so that was nice.

Only slightly related, it is probably a good thing that my school only has crappy instant coffee available, as I would probably move from "slightly excessive" to "disturbing" in my coffee consumption.

home

Home safe and sound. Tired, but good.

I go back to school for a week starting Monday, then have another few weeks off, so tomorrow will be sleeping and planning something to do in case they actually want me to hold a class.

I'll try to upload pictures within the next few days.

Airports

For the 4th and last time this trip, I am at the Bangkok airport.

One of the useful things of adopting what seems to be a uniform for traveling foreigners here (thai fisherman pants, tee-shirt, a bit of a tan, and a layer of dirt) is that the touts (people trying to get you to go where they want you to go/take their transportation/stay at their hotel) tend to leave you alone.

This morning, I waded out to get a boat to the mainland, took one of the "local buses"(and by local bus, they mean pick-up truck with slat benches along the sides and a fairly high cab as a roof) to the Krabi airport and flew to Bangkok. All in all, although it was nice to get a Thai massage at Wat Pho (a center for traditional thai healing and the home of the reclining Buddha) I would have rather spent the afternoon on the beach.

Anyway, I've learned a lot on this trip, not the least of which is that you really don't want to have your eyes open while riding in a taxi in rush hour traffic in Bangkok. It is just easier that way. I've also climbed, learned Thai massage, pet an elephant, ridden in/on more vehicles then I could imagine (some very nice, some incredibly sketchy), swam with a backdrop that is so beautiful it is unreal, and came up with some pretty good questions to think about.

In a few minutes, I will go and get my bags out of the place that will store your luggage at the airport and put on shoes that require socks, and dig out a jacket. Ugh. Cold. Boo.

Beach

After a train, a plane, a minivan, a boat, and a hike up a dirt road, I am at Tonsai Beach. This morning I swam in blue/green water while watching climbers scale some dramatic cliffs, and I think I may be out tomorrow myself.

It is so beautiful it is almost like looking at a movie set - you can hardly believe it is real. It is hot and the generators at the resort I'm staying at only run at night, but in the shade with a breeze, it isn't too bad.

One more day of beach, then an afternoon in Bangkok and I'm back to Seoul. One of the folks from Korea is on my same flight back, so that is good - someone to wait with at the airport, if nothing else.

An excellent way to end the journey.

Quick update

* The fear of heights was seriously addressed today with a 30 meter rappel into a cave. At one point I was hanging in mid air just looking around the chamber in the cavern. It was amazing.

* Also was climbing hard and got out of town for the day and it was lovely, in addition to what was essentially a private lesson from one of the members of the Thai National Climbing Team.

* I will be in great pain tomorrow, I think. But it was awesome.

* Tomorrow I will take the train to Bangkok overnight, then Tuesday will fly to Krabi and work out transportation to Tonsai Beach. I'll be there until Friday morning, at which point I fly back to Bangkok, spend a few hours going to a couple of choice locations there, then catching an overnight flight back to Seoul, the train to Suncheon, and the bus to Gwangyeong.

* no idea what internet connectivity will be like for the next few days.

Friday

After a rather harrowing ride on the back of a scooter driven by a guy from California at my guest house, I have signed up for a day of rock climbing/rappelling here. (I WAS wearing a helmet) and I'll leave it up for you all to decide which is the crazier of the two activities. I think they might be neck and neck. This Sunday I'll be picked up at my guest house and taken out to Crazy Horse Buttress, where they will teach me how to belay and give me a rock climbing lesson and then take me to a cave where I'll learn to rapel and rappel into a cave. While scarier, down is a lot easier than up.

Also, I am officially Level 1 Thai Massage certified by the Thai government.

Thursday

There are times when you are walking around town and see such dirt and poverty and ugly, then all of a sudden walk past a garden or a temple or a riot of flowers that are so incredibly beautiful it just takes your breath away.

Anyway, thinking about ways to take what i'm learning here and find out something to do with it. It seems I have a bit of ability in this area. While I'm not super excited about only doing Thai massage, it makes me want to learn more about how to incorporate other alternative therapies. We'll see.

I'm fighting falling into the traveling hippy/massage student wardrobe - as in, asking myself "will I really wear this in real life?" And how many pairs of thai pants does a girl need? Or bags with sparkles (living in Korea has done nothing to curb my magpie tendencies - "Look! Shiny!!" -but at least I've been able to focus most of that. I bought the most incredibly embroidered patchwork tapestry. Okay, just reading that sounds like it is hideous, but really, it was so beautiful I almost hyperventilated when I saw it.