teacher

I may have outlined this before, but over the course of two weeks I teach about 900 different students. IF there isn't testing or classes pulled for one reason or another (ha), I see my students two times a month. At the main school I am at, I have classes that are usually 30-36 students. (my country school is different - I see them each week, and the biggest class is about 12 kids. It is awesome).

I very rarely feel like a real teacher here. I'm more a zoo animal.

But this week, I had a couple "real teacher" moments:

1.) I love teaching the grade 1 (middle school) kids. They are great, and so much fun. Which makes sense, since I like the 7th graders the most back home. I am SUCH a middle school teacher.

2.) We have one class for kids with special needs, and they usually send them to my class with whatever home room they would have been in (I hope this means they go to PE and music and art and stuff like that, too...) but one of the boys has some minor behavior problems and while he knows "hihello" most days, that is about the extent of his English. Yesterday he was in class with me and I did some modifications so he was able to do SOMETHING in class, was able to get positive reinforcement (from me and from his peers), and stopped throwing stuff and generally annoying at the other kids. I know it sounds tiny, but it really made me miss being a real teacher/teaching SPED. I also got to see a great side of some of my students when they were helping to translate some basic directions for me.

Also? Kids with behavior problems LOVE me. Even if we don't speak the same language.

Podcasting

Now that I have room on my portable music device to justify downloading podcasts, I have discovered a whole new world, but one I don't know much about. I LOVED being able to listed to This American Life while sitting at my desk at work today and while walking around town, and I have Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me on deck.*

But I need more. Any podcasts you love?

* I don't know if this is adding to or helping the "missing the mid-west" thing that is going on. I think a bit of both.
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Also, I got another package of goodness from the US today! I'm so grateful - these things really do make such a difference, and I am so lucky. OH, the things I will cook!!!

lists

1. I went to Costco yesterday. I love Costco. I bought a great deal of cereal, granola bars, coffee, and Cheese-its. Some other stuff, but those were the highlights...

Except...

2. I bought an iPod!! Finally, I'm entering the beginning of the millennium in terms of music technology. As a Mac true believer, this is something that should have happened a long time ago.

Here's a question - I've heard both that you shouldn't run with a regular iPod, and that it is fine to run with a regular iPod - anyone have an opinion? I have my beat-up, tiny-memory RCA Lyra that I've been using for over a year now, but I can't do playlists or store more than a handful of songs. I've actually considered getting a nano for running only...

Because...

3. I am going to start to train for a 10k in a couple of months. There is one June 3rd on Jeju, and while some friends are going for the 1/2 marathon, there is no way I'd be able to do that yet. But a 10k? I can do. I had done a few 6 mile runs before I left the States, and while I haven't gone more than 5k since the middle of August, I think I can get back there reasonably quickly.

4. I'm not really sure what is going on, but I've been incredibly short-tempered lately. I mean, I've always been sort of short-tempered, but over the past few years have learned to manage that reasonably well. But for the past week or so, it's been bad. I'm managing not to take it out on others (okay, the "talk again and I'll cut you" look at some of the obnoxious grade 2 students not withstanding, but they totally deserved it), and I think a lot of it just has to do with being more social and not having as much alone time.

Hopeful Sweater

Today I joined the shoulders for Hopeful, the sweater I have been knitting. This is exciting because that means I only have to do the sleeves (though I was going to do long sleeves because I think short-sleeved sweaters are kind of silly) and the neckline (though I was going to have to wing it because I'm not feeling the little tie-thingy.)

I even tore out the first attempt at shoulder seams, which included ripping out and redoing the cast-of using a three-needle bind off because the first seems were so bad. (the 3-needle BO looked nice, if I do say so myself).

But.

Then I held up the sweater. Now, I was knitting the largest size, because the largest size is pretty small. And I did a gauge swatch (okay, I measured a hat I had used the same brand of yarn and needles for, but STILL!!) and when it was all squished on the circular needle, I really couldn't get an idea of the actual circumference.

This sweater is big. I mean, really big. What should be a cute, sung, fitted little sweater is far too big around. And too short. Basically, I look like I'm wearing a very loose-fitting box with a very deep v-neck.

And it's all my fault, as when I remeasured the gauge, it was 4.5 stitches per inch instead of 5/in. Don't know how I lost .5 stitches, and it sounds like such a tee-tiny difference - just half a stitch! But over 40 inches, .5 stitches becomes 5 inches of extra sweater. (side note - whoda thought pre-algebra really would be useful?)

So as I see it, there are 3 options:
1) Rip the whole thing out
2) Keep going, hope blocking is magical, and be happy that I have a nice, loose-fitting v-neck sweater
3) Throw what I have finished in the corner and pout.

Right now, I'm leaning towards a combo of 2 & 3.

S-Line

"ooh, Jessica, you are S-Line! And small face!!"

For those people who aren't in Korea, S-line is a goal for female body shape, (or as Virginia so succinctly put it, "Yeah, I think it means boobies." If you add booty to that, you have "s-line.") There is even a diet food brand named S-Line. Also, having a small face is, according to the students, a very good thing.

One of the many reasons it was funny: Middle school girls want my attention and try to get it by being nice to me. They give me compliments and candy, as they obviously know the way to my heart.
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Related only by tangent, the Grade 3 textbook has a dialog where the characters say hello, then comment on each other's weight, with one telling the other she looks good because she looks thin, and the character tells the first she needs to lose weight - like this is a normal, appropriate English conversation.

The only good thing that came out of this is that I was able to tell the (all-girl) class that this conversation would be VERY RUDE and that you would NEVER say something like that the US. In front of the co-teacher who has made comments about MY weight.

(The same teacher - who is often rather domineering - will have moments of being such a romantic! He literally lost track of the conversation he was having because he thought the trees that were starting to bloom were so beautiful. While he still annoys me regularly, I thought this was incredibly sweet.)

I should also probably note that this isn't the worst thing I've read in a textbook. I think that still goes to "Laughter causes bondage" from the high school text. But at least that was funny.

Skin

After months of having the worst skin of my whole entire life (like, really, really horrible breakouts - embarrassingly bad.) going to the dermatologist, and doing almost everything I could think of, I finally got the idea to google "acne" and "nasonex" - the only medicine I've been taking regularly.

And one of the rare but possible side effects? Acne.

After only three days of not taking it things are already dramatically better. Thankfully. Because while it still isn't pretty, at least it is better.

So the next question then becomes what to do about the allergies.

Recommendations for a non-steroidal allergy med?

Fat

A friend linked this You Tube video:



This is awesome. It's called A Fat Rant, and talks about numbers.

I don't agree with everything she says, but there is a lot of good. The idea of using fat as an excuse (I didn't get the job, he didn't ask me out...) and the power of numbers.

There is so much drama attached to numbers!

And reading a blog from a brave friend who is making a powerful change made me want to put this out there, too.

As of this morning, I weigh 184 lbs. I'm about 5'9" and so by every height/weight chart, I'm moderately overweight. As measured by and handheld bodyfat measurement thing, I'm about 25% fat. I wear around an 8-10/Medium US in most clothing, which comes to a 32 in Korean women's pants, and a 100 Korean woman's top/95 Korean men's. I can bench press over 120lbs, can squat about 180lbs, and can consistently run a 5k on a treadmill in about 31 minutes. My fastest race 5K was under 29 minutes. I would like to lose between 20-25 lbs, which would still put me in the higher end of normal for my height. Because of the amount of muscle I have, I'm aiming for about 20% bodyfat.

To put this in perspective, when I started to lose weight, I hadn't been on a scale in years. I had already lost about a pants size (and in the big girl sizes, there are a lot of lbs between them!!) by the time I got the courage to step on a scale. I was over 280. Which means I was pushing - if not over - 300lbs when I started. Dress pants size 22 were a little snug, and sometimes a 2xl men's t-shirt was tight.

This isn't to say "look at how great I am." Go up a paragraph - when you were thinking, "wow, 184? Isn't that high?"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that numbers only have the power we give them. I'm tired of feeling bad about mine. The first step was paying attention to them myself. Now I'm not afraid to say them out loud.

Birthday

One of the things about have a birthday the day after St. Patrick's Day is that most people are too dragged out from the night before to be much fun. So for a while now, I've been celebrating my birthday with friends on the 17th, basically co-opting whatever St. Patrick's Day party that is going on. I mean, really. mememe, all about me.

This weekend was no different - at one of the bars in Suncheon there was a wedding reception, St. Patrick's Day party, and my birthday. The band played Happy Birthday at midnight and everyone sang for me (the fact that I didn't know most of the people in the bar, nor they me, is inconsequential, I think. Anyway.) but it was nice that friends made it happen.

The next day was low-key dinner and cake with friends, and yesterday a package of goodness arrived from the States. I am trying not to dive head-first into the cereal (more of a challenge than you might imagine) and the box was filled other things that make life here a little easier. I'm so grateful to have such amazing family and friends.

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Today was one of the days where i just feel connected to being here. After playing volleyball with the team at my school, I walked around my neighborhood. I bought strawberries from the fruit stand, beef from the butcher, and a plant from the plant shop across the street from my apartment.

Also, proof that Korea loves me:


This is a yarn store. That just opened in a storefront right across the street from my apartment. Sometimes Korea gives awesome birthday presents.

Homesickness/thing I miss.

Still surfing the wave of homesickness. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it is cloudy and gray and I'm wanting it to be Spring already!!

So, a list of stuff I miss. (disclaimer: This is totally stream of consciousness, and doesn't mean that I hate Korea or anything like that. There is a list of stuff I love about Korea and I might do another list just about that stuff again soon. But this is stuff I miss from the US. Also, most of the food one are things I wouldn't eat or even really think about if they were available in this area. Being available in Seoul or only at costco doesn't really count right now. Wow, long disclaimer. Anyway.)

* Family/friends. I miss you. A lot
* Being able to drive. I haven't been behind the wheel of a car for 6 months now.
* the independence that comes from being fluent in the dominant language.
* cupcakes
* soft cookies (sugar, sinckerdoodle, toll house)
* Green chile dip. (think french onion, but with green chiles.) On Mike Sells Ruffeled potato chips would be perfect. (I cannot even get sour cream here easily. or plain yogurt that isn't sweet)
* Non-sweet yogurt, half and half, sour cream, cottage cheese... Basically, most dairy. Forget even low-cal/low-fat. Just ANY right now.
* Biscuits and gravy.
* Enchiladas/enchilada sauce. Green.
* CC's New Orleans Blend Coffee.
* Things being easy to figure out.
* Being able to really talk to most of the people around me.
* Running outside
* Mother's Peanut Butter Bumpers cereal. The expensive, organic, slightly tastier version of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. (an aside: I have actually ranked peanut butter flavored children's cereals. Is that strange? Wait, don't answer that...)
* Being able to browse in a bookstore.

okay, this list can go on and on, but it is just starting to get sad. I think it comes down to missing people, independence, and things. Especially food, which may be a post all on its own at some point. (not just me whining about food, but how food is such an integral part of home/comfort)

gender/booze/work

Yesterday at school, one of the teachers sitting next to me smelled so much like booze I thought me might actually be flammable. And while I wouldn't put it past a teacher to be drinking at work, I'm not sure if this was from current consumption or from the night before.

In Korea, it is VERY common for whole companies to go out together several times a week. The Boss determines how much everyone drinks and in order to move up in the country, people do what the Boss says. I should correct that - all the MEN go out together several times a week, and once in a while the women come along for part it.

If in order to be promoted you have to hang out and drink with the boss, but women aren't supposed to do that...

Yeah.

At my regular school, there are no women in leadership positions - not one department head or head teacher.

The country school is different, and both this year and last the Head Teacher (for the whole school) is a woman, but that is VERY rare.

I know this isn't a whole lot different from deals being made on the golf course, or people getting a job by "who you know" in the US, but it just seems so blatant and unfair. Women do all the setting up and cleaning up and cooking (or ordering of food) for all the school events. Men stand around and drink/make each other drink. In groups of women the older women telling the younger what to do, but often it doesn't have a direct effect (or a significant effect) on job success (except for the appearance of getting along with others and being part of the group, which really is pretty important, now that I think about it...)

I don't know where I am going with this, but after talking about International Women's Day with my adult workshop last week and a huge increase in the number of men in the teacher's room I am in, I've been paying a lot more attention to the ways people are promoted and the implication of gender in that process. (Also, an aside, I'm pretty good a guessing what is going on based on context and catching a few words here and there, so i'm getting better at figuring out what is going on. Anyway.)

Sometimes I am reminded that only about 60-70 years ago South Korea was granted independence and the speed of societal change has been astounding in that time. But it is frustrating to talk to Korean women and hear them say that they don't want to get married until they have done "x" so that their husbands won't tell them they cannot do it. And I'm not exaggerating.

When I grow up...

When I grow up, I want to be like THIS little old lady!!

Or like some of the women linked in this article here.


(I know I link to Stumptuous all the time. The author is a Woman's Studies professor from Canada who really knows what she is talking about when it comes to fitness, particularly from the perspective of women who lift weights. Plus I think she is cool. I mean, I don't know her or anything, but she seems like one of the kinds of women who would be fun to hang out with. /fangirly-ness)

A few things

1. I own a pair of Korean jeans!
My favorite pair of jeans is starting to wear through at the back pocket, and while I would like to try to get them fixed, I decided that knowledge is power and I finally got up the courage to try on jeans in Korea, fully expecting to need a pair of one of the larger men's sizes. I actually fit into the women's! And, strangely, they were long enough. Granted, they sit kind of low on my waist to BE long enough, but still!! They CAN sit low enough on my waist!

I'm sure these are the largest size they make in women's pants, but they fit well - as in, are not tight - and if I can get down about one Korean size, a whole world of clothing options opens up for me here. Now if only I could lose a shoe size or two...

2. It was SNOWING today. Snow. Falling from the sky. In mid-March.
Teachers at my school have said, "Winter is jealous of Spring." I would like to kindly request that Winter just get over it already, as I am not too happy with Winter right now and would prefer not walking to work in below freezing temperatures.

3. I'm having a little wave of homesickness right now. Not big, crashing Tsunami-type of wave, but a wave nonetheless. An unusually high tidal surge, if you will. I know it is normal, but I really would like to visit home for a while. I don't want to leave here, but I don't really want to BE here, if that makes sense.

4. My new co-teacher rocks - I am getting supplies for my classroom, she is getting people to fix the monitor in the English lab, and I will be getting a few new things for my apartment. Her English is great, she is trying to find a place for me to get a skirt I love but ruined copied, and is super helpful.

When the box arrived, it was full of great stuff. But instead of the markers or colored pencils I had requested, there were colored ink pens. And instead of the 80 dry erase board markers, there were 80 dry erase board erasers. The pens are fine - they will be able to make signs and posters with them, and if they want something different to use, they can bring it, and they returned and re-requested the dry erase stuff. But those little things are just a snapshot of how every interaction is sometimes a little misunderstood.

5. Also, (and I'm saying this just because it annoyed me), JUST AFTER buying the Korean jeans that fit(!!) a friend and I were walking past one of the little boutique-like shops in Home Plus (basically, from what I can tell they rent out spaces to these little shops or something. I don't really get it. Anyway.) and were looking at some of the clothing in the sale bin. The woman came up to us and basically just said, "No size!" as if by looking at her clothing we would stretch it so far out of shape that it would never fit anyone else ever again. Hate. Her.

New Knitty

99.9% of you can just move along, as this won't interest you at all.

Knitty is a free on-line knitting pattern site that publishes 4 time a year (like most knitting magazines) and they usually have a few patterns that are really cool and interesting. I've knit a few things from them, am currently working on a project, and have a couple of things I'd like to make.

But that being said, every issue, while usually having one or two things I could see making, usually has some of the silliest, most pointless, and/or ugliest things you could imagine. When this issue came out, I decided to write my opinion of the patterns so that I have something to refer back to (and did I mention that last week I didn't have even a single class? Right then.)

So, my take on the latest Knitty:
bmp - I would never make them, but fun to look at.
Carolyn - Not a bad cardi, IF it was done in a solid. The stripes? Eep.
Tahoe - Boring (though I do like the wrists of the sleeves) and not flattering. Better fitting would have helped.
Ribena - I don't like the arm-warmer thing, but I like the fitting through the torso with the ribs.
Torque - Not flattering. If you are going to do one big asymmetric detail like that, you also emphasize the negative space. Maybe if the rest of the garment was fitted I would like it more. Like, an even more dramatic cable with a defined waist? not sure. But this isn't doing it for me.
Isabella - Would it have killed them to post a picture of the whole garment? Also, is that by lengthening the line from shoulder to bust with both the v and the lace, it seems to make the bustline look weird. As in oddly elongated. Basically, I think it would make my boobs look like they are sagging. More. And I don't think the pattern in the body improves the design - it just makes it confusing.
Ester - Interesting from a construction standpoint, from first glance. I don't know how wearable it is, but it is interesting.
More stripes - Maybe if it were fitted. And wasn't horizontally striped. Okay, that would then make it a totally different garment, but I like the deep v-neck, but I don't think it is flattering.
Monica - I have no idea why i like this. Maybe because it is a tank for a little girl that isn't trying to be "sexy" in any way. (I REALLY hate little girls who are dressed like they are getting ready to go clubbing)
Briar Rose - I could see this done in one color and it would be cute. Not earth-shatteringly cute, but cute.
Hey Mickey - I cannot think of a situation where this would be a good use of time or knitting effort.
Vestee - Cute. Functional. Looks like it would knit up fast. Hmmm...
Palette - Ehh. Not a very pretty or interesting-looking lace pattern
Dashing - Yes, because a pattern for ANOTHER pair of fingerless gloves is necessary. Because if you knit a large size of one of the eleventymillion patterns out there right now for a boy (including one of the ones Knitty JUST PRINTED), he would have a spontaneous sex change.
Paper Bag - Interesting from an intellectual standpoint("paper" bag, paper yarn...) but not all that attractive., nor does it look particularly useful.
Bauble - I like shiny, but while it has that it its favor if I'm going to combine beading and another needlework craft, it would be crochet. This looks messy (but it IS shiny!)
Queen of Cups - The lace pattern just looks confusing to me, and I don't find it attractive.
Quill Lace Socks - eh. I'm not a sock knitter, so I don't feel strongly either way. Not horrible.
Clessidra - Interesting, but I'm pretty sure would make my calves look like they are trying to take over the world. And I can't think of anyone who wouldn't look the same.

International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day.

I am lucky to come from a family of strong, smart, outspoken women, and see those same qualities mirrored in my friends now. Living in a culture that devalues all of those qualities has been incredibly challenging.

A few quotes I think span the range of definitions for feminism:

Feminism is an entire world view or gestalt, not just a laundry list of women's issues. - Charlotte Bunch

To be a feminist...is to be critical - to ask questions about how society functions, about how women live in society. Feminism is a process of questioning rather than a 'dogma' or a set of proscribed positions or answers. - Jackie Brown

I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. - Rebecca West

Feminism is hated because women are hated. Anti-feminism is a direct expression of misogyny; it is the political defense of women hating. - Andrea Dworkin

My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended: every woman has the right to become herself, and do whatever she needs to do.- Ani Difranco

It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union. - Susan B. Anthony

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist. - Rita Mae Brown

Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get an adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and...for lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement. ~Author unknown, quoted in The Torch, 14 September 1987

And an awesome blog: www.feministing.com.

climbing in Thailand

Sonia sent me some of the pictures that were on her camera from the day we climbed on Railay.

Things I learned from these climbs:
1. Use my legs more.
2. Take the fall and take the rest if you need to, as holding on without being able to move isn't going to help you get to the top, either.
3. Use my legs more.
4. Commit. I may have fallen on the second one, but I was more committed to the effort and did a lot better overall.
5. Don't try to use my arms so much.

I tend to forget that most of my strength needs to come from my legs. I need to try more to use my upper body for stability and push myself up with my legs, rather than try to claw my way to the top, because it just won't work.





I'm back at school again, though I won't have classes until Monday at the earliest. So that means a lot of sitting around doing nothing. I have a new co-teacher (the person who take care of my paperwork and all that stuff) and she is AWESOME and totally on the ball and great. Woo!