what will bring me home

It won't be loneliness, though I am often lonely here.

It won't be the language, though it is almost overwhelmingly frustrating to speak and read like a kindergartner.

It will be food.

I am so hungry for good food. Heck, not even good food. I want boneless, skinless chicken breasts, or at least a chicken that doesn't look like a cornish game hen. I want protein bars and cottage cheese. I want tuna in water. I want egg beaters or separated egg whites or eggs that are really inexpensive so i don't feel guilty for throwing away the yolks, and I want to not have to horde oatmeal. I want peanut butter flavored cereal. Did I say tuna in water? 'cause I really miss that. I want chicken enchiladas from Garcia's, and refrieds and rice. I want whole wheat tortillas - heck, ANY tortilla - and medium salsa. I want Diet Coke by the case. I want an oven so I can have roasted vegetables. I want whole grain bread and Kashi Go Lean cereal. I want to go somewhere to eat and not be grossed out by anything on the table. I want fish with heads and tails and bones and skin removed. I want to be able to identify everything on my plate.

And what sucks is that much of what I am comfortable eating is somewhat calorie dense without being all that nutritionally sound (at least I know that the rice is just rice, and there is no surprise kimchi or red-pepper paste), so in order to knock out the last 10 or so lbs, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to start measuring food and at least guess-tracking calories. It will need to be ballparked to some degree, but at least I'll know a little bit more where I stand at the end of the day. And I don't think I'm going to allow myself to buy the oreo-o's cereal for a while - it is too good, and before I know it I've killed the whole box.

Of the good, I'm getting at least a little better at counting and stuff like that, so I can at least understand how much people want if I go to the street market for vegetables. And I priced toaster ovens and I might make that a "first paycheck/hey you finally got your settlement/flight reimbursement check" present to myself. And I will probably have to learn to cook more with tofu, as it is an expensive, lower calorie, easily available protein source.

Oh, and I think I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener instead of soap. Oops.